T-706: Let Me Out of Here

The last few days have been proof positive about why we need to go. I have been working constantly to create a new budget format for Matrix.  As usual, I have made the task so complex that is taking me forever to do.  At the same time, we are in the midst of a major clean-up/clean out at Matrix, moving everything out of the basement and numerous storage nooks. It is being inventoried or removed.  All of this was made much more necessary and urgent by the standing water in the basement.  I at first thought it was a leaking basement due to the recent heavy rains which caused a leak in the ceiling (and brought a squirrel into the building.)  But no, it was the hot water heater giving up the ghost and dumping water all over the basement floor and ruining a number of puppets, props, and costumes.

Note the permanent stress lines
on my forehead

To add to the fun, (I originally wrote "funk", which may actually have been the right word), Saturday was Neighborhood Beautification Day...as well as Wes' birthday.  I had to leave at 7am to work with a crew to clean  and landscape our grounds.  We also were putting in 3 new raised beds.  What was originally supposed to be a 3 hour task, stretched to 7.  Although we did get all the work done, and removed the piles of detritus which has been building up during the clean-up, I returned home after 2pm, dirty and tired.  I was hardly in the mood to create any kind of birthday for Wes.  But I did, sort of.  We had a fire and cooked kielbasa and had tres leches cake.  Wes was a good sport about it, but I know he once again felt like 2nd banana to the endless requirements of running Matrix.

Sunday was a nice day, but I was sore and tired and still had more of that damned budget to do.  Monday was work at fever pitch to get ready for the Budget meeting last night.  Yesterday was the Budget meeting: it was intense, but went well.  I finally got home around 9:30 last night, after starting the day with a 14 mile round trip bike ride to participate in yet another required collaboration for youth serving agencies.

It has been like this for years and years.  I count it a light month when I work less than 210 hours on the clock.  Sometimes, I have more than 100 hours of  "comp time" in a given month.  When I leave for Wyoming in a few weeks, I will have amassed more than 400 hours since October.  To put that in perspective, that is equal to nearly 3 months required time.   Of course, that time expires at the end of the fiscal year, so I never burn it off...even when I go away.  Same with my paid vacation.  After 20 years, I have five weeks paid vacation.  But even when I am away, I am still writing grants, attending meetings by conference call, working on planning.

Being the "boss" of a small organization means that its survival is constantly in my hands.  I must always be attending to building future work and support while making sure that what is going on now is working, while maintaining a whole host of relationships.  This is not just my life, but the life of every Executive Director of a small not for profit.  Emotionally, it feels like constantly being the Plate Spinner of old vaudeville days.  There are about 10 poles, each with a plate spinning.  Constant attention will keep them all going, but a slight break in concentration will start the plates wobbling, then soon falling to the ground. Picking up the pieces is much worse than keeping the plate going.  Of course, picking up one fallen plate means other plates start wobbling or even falling.

The challenge is finding a way to keep the plates spinning by having multiple spinners.   This is much easier said than done.  I am looking for/training/preparing a batch of spinners to keeping the plates in the air while Wes and I are abike in, yes, just 706 days.  It will take that long to prepare for transition.

In the meantime,  I'll just keep spinning and dreaming of a different kind of spinning...of pedals on a journey to revive my body, mind, and soul.